"Frankie likes to think he's a leader, and he's got enough saps following him around to give that impression, but he's not all that sharp."
"Why does everyone follow him, then?"
"Well, they're lazy. They don't want to strike out on their own for fear of failure so they figure they'll stick with Frankie and he'll lead them to the goods."
"So you don't like McDonald's?"
"Oh, don't get me wrong. McDonald's.....at least one like this at the beach.....can be good sport. You gotta like french fries, though, because that's the main bill of fair. You won't be seeing a lot of chicken nuggets coming your way."
"The others are getting awfully close to the humans."
"That's what makes it fun. The humans like us at this franchise, or a lot of them do. Frankie knows that. Hell, I've gotten on a table with some of them and had them hand me a fry. It's kind of mind over matter. You see, you concentrate on a piece of food, give it the old bird's eye, and after a few moments they'll toss the very same item your way."
"That sounds like a good deal."
"But it's the yield. Look at this flock. Twenty gulls easy, so how many do you think are going to score out of five humans eating outside? Not that many. It's all sizzle and no steak. You notice Frankie is always out in front getting his share. He doesn't give a shit about the others. He lets them catch as catch can."
"The boys are pushy with us girls, especially girls like me that are so young."
"That's the way of it, sweetheart. Get used to it. C'mon, let's wing it."
The two gulls lifted off and Dolores, the young female, followed Eric to an alley behind Santino's Pizza Parlor. They lighted on a large dumpster behind the restaurant. The dumpster was over-flowing with garbage.
"Score!" said Eric. "You see, it's Thursday, and the garbage is picked up on Friday. Sal, the owner, is too cheap to rent two dumpsters so by the end of the week this one is brimming with all kinds of good stuff. Pasta, bread, pizza, the works. There's even salad fixin's if you're into that kind of thing. And look, no flock!"
Dolores daintily pecked at a pepperoni slice. "Don't be so polite, sweetie," said Eric. "You never know who might show up to spoil the fun. Gulls don't have the luxury of eating in leisure. Grab for the gusto. Get in there!"
"Oh, okay, Eric." Dolores giggled as she shoved her head down to pull out a crispy square item.
"That's a crouton. Lots of good eating there."
Winged shadows passed over the couple and down came two more gulls, Ava and Ed. "Greetings, Eric," said Ava. "I see you've taken another pretty young thing under your wing."
"Jealous, Ava?" said Eric, gobbling a piece of meatball.
"She's never gotten over you, Dude. Love 'em and leave 'em, eh Eric? My hero."
"Cool it, Ed. We don't want to give the young one the wrong impression. Hey, Ava, you still into antipasto? I smelled some vinaigrette down there."
"Thanks, lover. You remembered."
"No candy here, Eric. You still got that sweet beak?" said Ed.
"Yeah, afraid so," answered Eric. "But the humans love that stuff, too. Sweet treats are few and far between." Dolores listened to Eric intently as she munched on a slice of provolone.
All four gulls happily downed their feast until a screen door slammed and a human started banging two pots together.
"Get out of here you fucking rat birds!!" shouted the chubby human wearing a greasy apron. Sal made Ed and Ava fly up to a fence along the alley. Dolores took off for a telephone wire high above them but Eric barely moved.
"Fuck you, you old buzzard," cawed Eric. Seeing Dolores shivering on the wire Eric flew up to her and motioned for them both to take off. "Just hang out here awhile, kids," Eric called down to Ed and Ava. "It's lunch time. He's got to go back in soon."
"Bye Eric!" shouted Ava.
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do, pal," laughed Ed.
Dolores followed Eric to the roof above a laundromat. "Oh, it's so warm and cozy here."
"Yeah," said Eric, "it's the vents from the dryers. They keep things nice and toasty."
Dolores moved in closer to Eric. "You've been so good to me, Eric. You really are a nice guy."
"Stick with me, kid. Later today we'll take a flyer out to the fishing boats. Big flocks around them but you can get some tasty sushi if you play it right. Gotta be careful, though. I saw a friend of mine get eaten by a shark once."
"Oh, dear," gasped Dolores.
"He was goin' in for a fish head a human had tossed off the side of the boat. This bird had it in his mouth one second and the next he was in the shark's mouth. Tough way to go."
"I think maybe we should stick with land food for awhile, what do you say?"
"Okay, darlin'. Chickie steps."
Suddenly Dolores cried, "Oh Eric!" She had spotted something in the parking lot of the 7-Eleven across the street. "Wait here!" Dolores squealed and lifted off. Before Eric had time to say anything she was swooping down across the busy street. Eric saw what was coming and cried out her name but she couldn't hear. The tractor/trailer was moving at 45 m.p.h. at least and by the time Dolores spotted him it was too late. Eric could hear the thump from the roof, and if the initial impact hadn't killed her the crushing by the tires certainly did. As Eric glided over the road he could see Dolores, now just a mangled mess of blood and feathers.
Poor kid, Eric thought. Then he, too, spotted what had caused Dolores to leave the roof. Eric swooped down on the crumpled orange wrapper. He poked his beak in and pulled out a quarter of a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup.
"Score!" he said to no one.
- C. S. Winter
